By Rev. Glenn JonesCriticism—it’s something we’re quick to give, but loathe to receive. Even helpful and relevant criticism is often met with ire … though, certainly, when given in the spirit of good will, we would be foolish to disregard it out of hand.
Isn’t criticism/critique the whole purpose of grading in school, or even of peer review? Certainly everyone enjoys being validated, but we all can be blind to our own faults and failures. So, if we react dismissively or with hostility to any criticism whatever, how will we ever improve? That’s why we hear in scriptures such things as: “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man and he will increase in learning.” (Proverbs 9:9), and “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future.” (Proverbs 19:30).
Who among us is so wise as to not need advice and instruction? Yet, we need give as we would like to receive, and offer criticism always with tact and kindness, for this is charity.
In one of my older scripture commentaries is a cute anonymous poem about the habitual criticizer—an LOL moment:
To be a chronic critic is to know oneself poorly, for who among us doesn’t have myriad faults worthy of criticism? How about that time you blew your stack? … or demanded your own way in some inconsequential detail? … or when you … (well, we won’t even mention that one!). So the reasonable person will always be (or at least seek to be) kind and tactful when either offering or receiving advice or constructive criticism.
Yet we know that few things destroy human amity quicker or more deeply than harsh or undeserved criticism: “The blow of a whip raises a welt, but a blow of the tongue crushes the bones.” (Sirach 28:17) We need be especially careful in our domestic relationships. We tend to be harsher with family because, subconsciously, we know that we CAN be; familial love will (usually) keep them from storming off, never to be seen again. This should not be … that we are even harsher with those who love us; on the contrary, “…how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (Psalm 133:1). So let us have the graciousness to be sparing and gentle in criticism, knowing that each of us has plenty to criticize in himself. If we seek always to be kind and gentle to all, then we reflect Jesus’ own goodness.
Certainly we Christians should have consideration for sensitivities (and, yes, sometimes the hyper-sensitivities) of others … but, as for ourselves, we become more Christ-like if we develop a “thicker skin”—accepting criticism with humility and grace, for: “He who ignores instruction despises himself, but he who heeds admonition gains understanding” (Proverbs 15:32) After all, which is an indicator of greater spiritual maturity: to react harshly toward constructive criticism, or to accept it in a spirit of charity and patience? And, of course, Jesus is the model for we Christians … and we remember how He accepted even utterly unjust criticism and condemnation with patience and grace. Emulating His attitude leads to peace of spirit, just as He promises us: “…learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.” (Matthew 11:29)
