By DAVID IZRAELEVITZ
Los Alamos
Dear Reader: Satire is sometimes difficult to discern and appreciate, so I think I should introduce this essay with a few remarks. During the period when legalizing recreational cannabis was being debated in the Roundhouse, the organization representing the 106 cities and towns in our state, the New Mexico Municipal League, was lobbying for a so-called “local option” where individual communities could decide whether or not to permit local retail sales within their boundaries. I would argue that if there is a community where cannabis sales should be limited under local control it is Los Alamos, for a variety of reasons we are all aware of. Alas, the NM law as written (and very poorly written in my opinion) prohibits such local authority, so Los Alamos is left with minimal options on managing this new retail activity.
Bottom line: David Izraelevitz is not planning to sell pot, but if he did, the following might be part of a letter exchange with his commercial lender.
Mr. John Smith
Commercial Loan Department
First National Bank of Los Alamos
Dear Mr. Smith:
Thank you very much for your careful review of my business plan for a retail recreational cannabis shop in Los Alamos. In this letter, I would like to address some of the concerns you and your bank have expressed about my innovative concept. I hope that this will allay any fears about the viability of my business and my suitability for a commercial loan.
Let me address your primary concern first. Regarding a market study, you point out that a large percentage of the households in Los Alamos County have one or more employees of LANL, DOE, DOD, or other such entities, and that, under penalty of summary loss of employment, are unlikely to patronize my business. Given this statistic and related considerations, you are right that we can expect a small “home-grown” market, especially one targeting recreational rather than medical use. You also point out that recreational cannabis will also be readily available outside the County, so you ask, what is the benefit to our community of having convenient local sales?
You have apparently skipped over my detailed presentation on tourism sales possibilities. What would be a better remembrance of a stay in our community than a package of my individually-wrapped “Madame Curie’s Mary Jane” or “? This is certainly more memorable than an Albert Einstein squeak toy.
Your concern about the future density of marijuana shops in our downtown is also overblown. I implore you to think beyond the usually mentioned desire for more restaurants, clothing and sporting goods stores, jewelry shops, etc. I am sure that excitement in the community for a pot shop would be palpable if my clientele wasn’t so sedate. Yes, there might be a “Bennett’s Bongs” adjacent to my business, but that will just promote the cannabis equivalent of pub crawling, helping all retail cannabis shops along Central Avenue. Don’t you think this would be an appropriate use of our scarce retail assets?
May I add that my contact at the New York Times is ready to write a feature article highlighting Los Alamos. She assures me that the Times is very interested in promoting favorable coverage of Los Alamos, especially as a cannabis tourist destination. Her suggested article headlines include “Premier Science Laboratory has a Pot Premiere” and “The Smartest Town in America is Full of Dope(s).”
Finally, I understand your hesitation regarding the name of my enterprise. Visitors not familiar with LANL security protocols may not appreciate my clever reference to a Q-clearance. They may even mispronounce Qannabis as in “Tai Qi.” If this is your remaining concern before a positive decision, I assure you that I am willing to rename my business to your bank’s satisfaction. Among the alternatives, allow me to suggest “Not The Groves You are Thinking Of,” or simply “Explosive Highs.”
I eagerly await your positive response to this business opportunity that may very well turn into a gold mine!
Sincerely,
David Izraelevitz
Entrepreneur and Small Business Owner.
