By DAVID CREMER
Los Alamos
My wonderful wife is a hospice nurse who has had the profound privilege of taking care of and comforting hundreds of patients as their journey on this earth came to an end. She often heard very poignant stories from her patients during their last days. She heard one of those stories from a retired Los Alamos police officer she was taking care of. It was a story that brought heartfelt tears to both her and the old officer as they talked.
Her relationship with her new patient began in the normal way. She came into his home, introduced herself, and started assessing the health and comfort of her patient. As she went about her work, the old cop kept looking at the last name on the ID badge she wore. Each time he saw the name, a subtle veil of sadness would come over him. After a while, he finally told her a story. He said that many decades ago when he was a young officer, he had responded to the suicide of man. He had to do all of the unpleasant duties we require of our law enforcement officers, but what stuck with him after all those years was remembering the faces of the family members as they came home to the tragedy that was their new reality. With sadness, he remembered the face of a distraught 12-year-old boy who had just lost his dad.
After four decades he still remembered the last name of that family. It was the same name on my wife’s badge, so he asked if there was any relationship. With tears in her eyes, she told him that she had fallen in love with and married that boy. There were some tears in his eyes as she told him how they had built a wonderful life and raised a family of their own. I think this brought him a small bit of comfort in his final days.
Sometimes we intersect with law enforcement at the worst times of our lives. While we deal with our trauma and emotions, we may hardly notice the men and women in uniform around us. They can seem to be nameless faces just “doing their job”. Too often, it is easy to forget that they are humans, too, with empathy and emotions that are impacted by what they are exposed to as they “do their job”. My wife’s patient is a testimony to that fact. It is astounding that even four decades after his life intersected my family’s life that fateful fall day, there was still an air of sadness pulling at that old officer’s heart. Let us all be mindful and appreciative of this aspect of service and sacrifice we demand of our law enforcement community.
This former 12-year-old boy remains appreciative of my wife’s patient even after he has gone. He reminds me of the unspoken, but lasting, grief we sometimes share with law enforcement officers and others. There is a family in our community undergoing unimaginable grief right now that goes beyond our ability to understand. At the same time there are first responders, friends, teachers, and coworkers that have been drawn into this tragedy and share a small sliver of the grief this family is going through. Now is a good time for extra hugs, prayers, and forgiveness. It won’t lessen the grief, but the shared experience can strengthen us on the journey.
