Clergy from left, Pastor Deb Church, Deacon Amy Schmuck, The Rev. Mary Ann Hill, The Rev. Lynn Finnegan, Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, retired, and Pastor Nicolé Raddu Ferry. Photo by Nate Limback/ladailypost.com

By The Rev. Mary Ann Hill
Rector
Trinity on the Hill Episcopal Church

“I LOVE this church!” a newcomer once told me. She was so enthusiastic, and went on and on about how great she thought our church was. I have to admit that, while it was very gratifying to hear that kind of praise, I secretly cringed inside. I knew that sooner or later, we would disappoint her. And the more excited she was, the greater that disappointment was likely to be. Isn’t that how it often goes with enthusiasm?

We will disappoint you. I actually have said that to people who are new to the church. “We won’t do it on purpose, but eventually someone will inadvertently hurt your feelings or they’ll disagree with you over something. It may even be me, because while I try to always have the best of intentions, sometimes I have a bad day, or I drop the ball, or I’m preoccupied. So an important question to ask ourselves, at the very beginning of this journey together, is whether or not we will have the grace to move beyond that disappointment when it inevitably happens.”

Grace is an interesting thing. In religious terms, it’s defined as “God’s favor towards us, undeserved and unearned.” Practically speaking, it means that God loves us no matter how much we screw up.

And when we ourselves extend grace to the people around us, we are, in essence, showing our gratitude for grace received.

Of course, none of this is meant to gloss over that sometimes real hurt and even abuse happens in churches. That is something that all of us who write this column take very seriously, and Jesus had some extremely harsh things to say about those who caused serious harm to his people.

But when it comes to everyday, garden variety disenchantment, if we find a community that seems to be a good fit, it may be necessary to manage our expectations. As I tell people, churches are made up of a lot of imperfect people, myself included. Even those who appear to “have it all together” struggle from time to time.

That can be frustrating. But learning forbearance is commended to us in the Bible:: “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:12-13)

So what happened with that very enthusiastic newcomer? She joined our church and jumped in with both feet. And then she left after about six months. I never found out why – it may have been something I did. But sadly, it felt like a missed opportunity for all of us to grow in grace together. Wherever she is today, I pray that she’s found whatever it was that she was looking for, in the church, and in herself.

Editor’s note: ‘All Shall Be Well’ is a column written by local women clergy including ELCA Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, M.Div., retired (czoebidd@gmail.com); Pastor Nicolé Ferry, Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church (pastornicole@bethluth.com); The Rev. Lynn Finnegan, Associate Rector, The Episcopal Church of the Holy Faith, Santa Fe (rev.lynn@holyfaithchurchsf.org); The Rev. Mary Ann Hill, Rector, Trinity on the Hill Episcopal Church (momaryannhill@gmail.com) and Deacon Amy Schmuck, Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church (deaconamy@bethluth.com).