Clergy from left, Deacon Amy Schmuck, The Rev. Lynn Finnegan, The Rev. Mary Ann Hill, Pastor Nicolé Raddu Ferry and Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, retired. Photo by Nate Limback/ladailypost.com

By The Rev. Mary Ann Hill
Rector
Trinity on the Hill Episcopal Church

We are just a few days post- election and under three weeks away from Thanksgiving. How are you doing?

One of the things that has been most distressing to me recently is the breakdown I’ve heard about in so many relationships. Friends find themselves avoiding one another. Many family members are estranged, perhaps permanently. That is painful, whether we admit it or not.

Secular politics are important. Don’t get me wrong. Elections can affect our lives in profound ways: sometimes for an entire lifetime. Elections do matter.

As a person of faith, when political angst becomes too hard to bear, I remind myself of who is really in charge by reading the Psalms. They run the gamut of human emotions and are relevant to us today. They remind us, repeatedly, that it’s folly to put all our trust in earthly rulers: “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortals, in whom there is no help. When their breath departs, they return to the earth; on that very day their plans perish.” Psalm 146:3-4

I’m not saying that politicians are irrelevant, but in twenty-five years of spending time with people close to death, I’ve never once heard someone’s last words be about politics. What I have heard is that people most often have regrets about their personal relationships and losses.

Politics matter, but they do not matter more than our loved ones.

So, what about that upcoming Thanksgiving gathering? I looked back at what I’ve written in the last year and a half and realized that most of it was about reconciliation. Here are some ideas:

Be curious, not judgmental (Ted Lasso) and listen to hear, not to react. If we can listen objectively about one another’s fears and concerns, we may find that we have some common ground. The key is listening with an open heart. We don’t have to compromise our own beliefs to understand. Understanding is a strength, not a weakness.

Moderate exposure to negativity. Media (especially socials) are largely designed to keep us engaged through emotional payoffs. Being informed is important, but being stuck circling the drain is extremely unhealthy. Cutting down on exposure to negativity and maintaining rational objectivity can drastically help our relationships.

Agree to disagree. We don’t have to attend every argument we’re invited to. If you’re usually one who jumps in and argues vociferously, not doing that will throw people off in a delightful way. Of course, it’s a two-way street, and those around you have to agree to do that too. It can take some work, but learning how not to push each other’s buttons will keep your relationships healthy.

I pray that all of our readers will have a Happy Thanksgiving, with opportunities to reconnect with friends and family.

Holy God, whose Spirit is both our armor of light and enlivener of our vulnerable hearts: strengthen and equip us for this hard struggle. When conflict heats, let us always keep our eyes and minds on you, and on the faithful example of Christ our Savior. Let all that we do and say be according to your will and do you honor. Amen. (adapted from Jennifer Phillips)

Editor’s note: ‘All Shall Be Well’ is a column written by local women clergy including ELCA Deacon Cynthia Biddlecomb, M.Div., retired (czoebidd@gmail.com); Pastor Nicolé Ferry, Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church (pastornicole@bethluth.com); The Rev. Lynn Finnegan, Associate Rector, The Episcopal Church of the Holy Faith, Santa Fe (rev.lynn@holyfaithchurchsf.org); The Rev. Mary Ann Hill, Rector, Trinity on the Hill Episcopal Church (momaryannhill@gmail.com) and Deacon Amy Schmuck, Bethlehem Evangelical Lutheran Church (deaconamy@bethluth.com).